Birth of my Grand Son Riley!

Well today was a remarkable day as my Grand son Riley Alexander was born! We got that call at a little after 6am. It is also my Grand Mother Katherine's birthday as well today, but she passed in 1992. Many blessings and sorrows this month. My mothers birthday and passing day, my sons birthday, my grand sons birthday, my Grand mom Liz's passing day, my Grand mother Katherine's birthday, Bella's birthday. I think that is it?

I felt like my mother was watching us today. There was such joy when he was born. He is so cute! He really is! I didn't want to leave the hospital, but one does what one has to do.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day and a very long and draining day. Here is hoping I have the strength I will need for tomorrow. I will hit the hay early and see how it goes.



Baby Riley! 7lb13oz 21+ inches long.

Blessed Night one and all!

Really?

OK I was with my mom today and when I got there my Aunt Cindy, Aunt Linda, Grand Pop, and Uncle Henry was there. That was really nice to see. Now here is the problem. After sitting there talking and enjoying the time with my mom, my Uncle asks my two Aunts if they could leave the room and have a private conversation with me.

Oh boy....So he begins to tell me how my mother prayed for me all the time at church. How she wanted me to be saved. That God Promised her I would be saved. Then tells me God won't be taking her until I am saved. The reason my mother is still here is because I'm not saved and she is going to be left here until I am. Really? I am sitting with my mom and he tells me my unsaved soul is the reason she can't pass on. I can't tell you how angry I was at him at that moment. I wanted to grab him by the neck and toss him out on his ass, but I didn't. Really? You wait til my mom is dying and try to save me? Really? Is that right? Did he think I was going to fall to my knees and pray for my salvation? Really? Did he expect me to change my mind about the path I have been walking for 20 years now? Really? Trying to use my mothers pending death and the salvation of her soul to convert me? Really? Is that what they teach in Christian Churches these days? Really?

I just looked at him and explained how that was many years ago and me and my mother both came to terms with our religious choices. She respected my choice a long time ago. I respect all religions and I respect my mother and that was the only reason I didn't go off on him. I also explained to him that if he really thought that then she would be here longer then him as I'm not converting. Its not my religious choice and I know my mothers God would not hold her in this body waisting away just to convert me. I can't believe someone who is christian would even think that God would hold back someones reward to try and convert another soul. If that is the case then I know I am on the right path for sure. I know my Gods would never do something like that and they wouldn't make a promise of someone being converted before you can return. So again I say Really? So not the way I expected my day to go today.

So other then that the day with my mother went well. I did get a text that Britt lost her mucus plug today, which means she can go into labor anytime now. I am so happy about that, especially if that is what my mother is really waiting for. Ryan's birthday is only 2 days away, but it close enough to be a really nice present for him.

Mom has been spiking a fever almost every night and her current pulse rate is 120, so we don't think her body can do that for much longer. I love her and just want her to move to a better place. I some what feel bad about that, but know in my heart it is for the best.

I guess that is it for now. Night all and blessings to everyone no matter what your religion is!

Me and My mom

I have been busy these few days. I have been visiting my mother each day. I sit with her, hold her hand, talk to her about things, and kiss her on the cheek and forehead. I don't know if she knows I am there or not or if she can hear me, but it doesn't matter to me as I know I am there for her and hopefully I am comforting her in some way.

Some of you may or may not know, but the dead talk to me from time to time. I have a deal with them that they only speak to me when I speak to them first. I can see my mother from time to time above her bed, but she keeps drawing herself back in. Everyone has visited her and told her that they will miss her, but they are OK with her moving on. Yet she holds on. I'm at a loss as to why. She has always told me she didn't want to live like this, yet she holds on? There is something keeping her here and I have yet to find out what that is. My Grandmother Liz her mother is now at her bedside. I see her bend down and whisper to her from time to time, but can't hear what she is saying. I was glad she showed up on mothers day. I wished her a happy mothers day.

I have talked to her about her heavenly father and how he is waiting for her to return to him. I've had conversations with her about Jesus and the sacrifice he made so she can be with him. I have told her that they have prepared her house for her and she has, but to leave the body in order to return to her real home and wait for the rest of us and meet with those who have already gone before her. There was a song on one of her CD's today and the lyrics talked about a woman holding on and the Angels around her bed waiting to take her home. I played that song a couple of times for her and told her to listen to it as they were speaking to her.

I am conflicted about how much I talk to her about moving on. I want to keep her here with me forever, but I know that isn't possible. Yet I still feel some guilt about trying to get her to move on. I love her and want her to live forever, but this is not life right now for her. This is prolonged death something she never wanted, but I am at a loss as to help her move on.

As each day passes I try to think of the next thing she may be holding on for. It was first her birthday on May 1st, then Mothers day and now it could be the birth of her Great Grandson or Her Grandson Ryan's (My eldest son) birth day then there is my fathers birthday on June 1st. Since she has not eaten or drank anything since Tuesday I can't see how her body will be able to last much longer. She seems to be very comfortable and not in pain, but I can't seem to communicate with her as she is still very much alive. When the time comes it is my hope to speak with her again, but I have a feeling I won't be able to see her like most. It has been my experience that those who are so close to us are not available to us after death as it would keep them alive in our minds and we would not be able to grieve and move on. I hope I am able to see and hear her, but understand if that is not possible.

The staff at Gilchrist are wonderful with her. They come in and talk to her and tell her everything they are about to do before they do it. Not that there is much for them to do other then administer pain meds, but they do shift her around so she doesn't get bed soars and they bathe her each day. They are so sweet and gentle with her. They are also checking on us all the time as well asking if we need anything or how we are holding up. It is a very nice place with wonderful people.

Its now 2 am and I need to go to bed so I can get up and go see my mother again and give my father a break. Again conflicted as I want to see her, but don't want to see her the way she is. I want her to rest and be one with her holy father and have no more pain and only joy for all eternity, but it is her decision when she will go and nothing we can do about it. Mom I love you and will see you tomorrow.



This is a picture of me, my mom and my cousin Garland.
Night all....

What a day today was.....

The day started out early for me. I was up at 6 am to get ready to head to mystickal voyage for Dragon Coffee Klatch which I do on the 1st Sunday of every month. Today we talked about the pagan community and how we like to eat our own and how we attack each other in online forums. We also talked about energy and its finiteness, but how it is eternal. Very deep discussion and more then I care to get into here. It was a good Klatch today. Next month we are doing a debate Left Hand Path vs Right Hand Path. Should be a blast.

After that was over we celebrated my mothers birthday with our family. Got my mom a day pass from Gilchrist so she could be at her house. She wasn't doing very well. She slept most of the time waking on occasions to see who was there and to talk to some people. She did wake up long enough for us to sing happy birthday to her and blow out her candle on her cake. Well with my help, but she didn't know that. Here is what her cake looked like.



It was a strawberry short cake from Hermans bakery in Dundalk. My family for as long as I can remember has always gotten one of these (not this size most times) for birthdays. We will continue the tradition as long as Hermans is still around. If they aren't around any more I will just have to learn how to make them myself.

Everyone got to hold her hand today and she saw pretty much the entire family between today and Friday. It was a good day from that aspect, but not so good from the point of her health and activity level. She is just very tired and I'm really not sure why she is hanging in here. I don't ever want to her to away, but I also know it is time.

So we had cake, crabs, and shrimp for the party. I finally got my females for the 1st time in years and they were so worth it! The crabs and shrimp were wonderful!!!!!! You know we got them from Wise Ave. Crab house of course.

So got done at my mothers and went over to our daughters house to meet her new pet. It is a prairie dog. She is very cute. Here is a picture of her as it sits in my daughters lap.



It is very cute I have to admit. So we leave her house and are driving home and see an accident on the side of the road. Denise looks and says she thinks it is Amanda. Amanda is a friend of Ashley's. So we call Ashley to have her call Amanda to see where she is as we didn't have her number. Ashley then calls back and says it is her so I turn around to head back to check on her. She was taken to the hospital, but at the time of writing this she is home, battered and bruised, but the doctors say she is OK. She is a very, very lucky girl. Her tire blew out and she lost control and hit the guard rail. Very lucky girl! We are so glad she is OK. Ashley and Amanda have been together most of their life as friends. We all rush over to the hospital to make sure she was alright.

Now we are all home and it is time to decompress from the days events. It just never seems to be a dull moment in our lives. So night all and blog you tomorrow. Blessing!

Forgotten? I say NO!

Yesterday was very draining. Went to see my mother as the nurse said that her passing could be any day now. Today is her birthday so I am going to see her, but yesterday was very draining. Everyone was there since we didn't know how much longer she was going to be with us. My cousins Steph and Beth went out and got her a Birthday cake that was so sweet and wonderful of them. The reason for the cake a day early was that she was questioning why everyone was there. So we said to celebrate her birthday. I'm sure we didn't fool her one bit, but she played along like a trooper.

The reason I know she wasn't fooled is she talked to me and others alone. Here is what she said to me. First she said she loved me, then told me how much she appreciates how I am there for everyone when they need me. Told me how proud she was of me. She also told me to give her great grandson when he is born a kiss for her. Which tells me she knows she isn't going to be around for his birth. That was very hard for me to hear, but the worst part comes next. She said we forget. She said "WE FORGET". At that point I kind of broke down and cries. She told me not to and I told her it was silly to ask me to not cry when I know my mother is going to die. I love her and will morn the loss of her in my life, but I will also celebrate her life as well. She understood.

I then told her we do not forget. We will never forget. I told her we have pictures and stories that we will show and tell those who come after. We will talk and share with those of use who survive. We never forget those who have touched our life like she touched us. When I mentioned the pictures she said, "Oh yes pictures!"

Today I am going to remind her of the memorial garden I am creating. The one where I will put a plant, and picture of all the family members we have lost in my lifetime. They, she and everyone will never be forgotten! Everyone who comes to my property will see them as they drive in. They will be seen every day and will be remembered. They will never be forgotten. I will remind her of that today. She will never be forgotten ever! He grandchildren and great grandchildren and great great grandchildren will know of their family members and the garden will continue until it fills up all 23 aces of our property if necessary.

Pictures and video of our family exist in digital form, and online and all over. I will digitize all photos of our family and make sure they exist and are passed down. I will make sure we have video of our family members going forward. No one is ever going to forget. Not just our happy times, but the sad times as well. All the joy and pain in our lives need to be remembered. It will be there for every family member to share and enjoy and pass down.

We will remember! We will not forget! I love you mom and Happy 60th Birthday!